Friday, May 17, 2013


Do you ever wish you could figure out the right decision to make, the right path to follow, the right choice to stick by?  I'm at one of those points in my life right now.  Where I've been feeling rather frustrated and confused though, I was reminded by someone today how exciting it is to be at the crossroads.  I get to chose what I make of my life.  I get to chose what job I do or don't take.  Financially, maybe it looks like the wrong decision.  The best piece of advice I received today was, follow your heart.

I'm struggling because the money is running out, the bills don't stop, and I have been presented with a sound job that would take the worry away.  Well, at least the worry about where my paycheck is coming from and for how much.  This position would not help me along in my career path, but it would help me stay where I am.  Is that the way to go?  Do I really want to stay where I am?

I find myself screaming loudly (well, internally anyways!), not just no, but HELL NO!  I do not like the place I am in, or the path I am currently on.  While I have always been told to listen to my heart, deep down I know my mother always meant a certain path was the right one.  And so I'm about to tell her it isn't the right job, the right time, or the right choice for me to make.  She will be angry but she has been angry before.  She will be upset as this is "her" company, but the other choice is for me to leave bitter and unhappy in a few months.  I am much like my mother, but yet this is the biggest difference between us.  I'm not sure what her hopes & dreams were for herself.  I know she would never have been where I am though.  So I am not going to take the path that she thinks I should.  I might fall, I might skin my already black & blue knees, but I know I will persevere.  After all I have been through, how can I not!

With this being said, I'm scared and unsure what tomorrow will bring.  Right now, I honestly don't know how I am going to purchase groceries, or take my cats to the vet, or do any of the big girl things a nearly thirty year old woman should be doing.  Maybe I am being too optimistic in what life should be.  Maybe I am just not ready to let go of the twenty-two year old inside my heart.  Maybe my heart is right and I am finally doing the right thing by not taking the easy road.

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.”
 ― Eric Roth, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button screenplay

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Little by little!

Okay, so I'm starting to get excited and starting to freak out at the same time!  All that is standing between me and the end of the semester is four 1 pg papers and two final exams!  Forget the fact that I don't have a job yet and am not exactly sure where the money is going to magically rain in from to pay bills but...

With that being said, I did start digging into the job scene again today and was pleasantly surprised at what was available.  Granted, most of it is not in the area I want to be in indefinitely and there is no guarantee any of these places will hire me.  The positive is that there are more at least three different businesses in the town I am living currently looking for full-time, day-time work.  At this point, I'm not even concerned with having the best paying job, but just solidifying an income again.  Part of me is excited to get back to a "routine" outside of the educational system, but then part of me is going to miss the learning aspect again.  It's definitely time to get involved with some organizations that encourage this learning aspect for me.

Stay tuned as the weeks develop!  For now, I better get these papers written, as they are due tomorrow!

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Happiness is internal & eternal

Do you ever have those days were things just aren't quite right?  There isn't anything specifically wrong, but yet you just feel, well, blah.  It's these moments when we have to realize that happiness is a choice.  Happiness comes from inside and is a state of mind.  Whenever I find myself feeling, meh, I try to find things that put smiles on my face.  Momma raised this girl to "fake it 'til ya make it." Which really holds some powerful truth behind it.  Even Maria sang about it in "My Favorite Things": I simply remember my favorite things, and then I don't feel, so bad!

So what makes you smile?  What pushes your emotions back up to a place that you can be all you can be? 

For me, happiness is my dog racing around the yard like the crazy wild child she is!  Happiness is the annoyance fading to feelings of warmth when my cats just want to purr so loudly in my ear at night that I can't sleep.  Make me work out, put me in nature - boom!  Insta-mood-changer!  But what do you turn to when you can't go outside, or the dog wanting to play endless fetch makes the annoyed and angry feelings start to escalate?

This past year, I have been very excited and proud to see my emotional foundation deepen as I become more proactive in my faith.  Personally, I know that I have seen some amazing changes even just the last couple months as I have delved deeper into my Christian beliefs and roots.  I felt compelled to come home and write this tonight after my weekly Bible study group.  It's not that there was anything that spectacular or moving about tonight, but every week I have to fight myself to go, but then leave feeling so much better and ready to take on the world again.  I believe in the Gospel, and as a Christian, I believe that God really is filling some voids in my life and helping me to always see that all I need is faith.

Now don't get me wrong.  The past few months have held great disappointments when I didn't get the financial support to attend veterinary school.  I lost my grandfather on my dad's side back in August, and then just a couple weeks ago lost my last remaining grandparent when my grandmother from my mom's side passed.  You know what was amazing though?  The funeral was on my birthday and it was truly the best birthday I have had, possibly ever!  I got to spend the day reminiscing one of the most amazing women I have know, and spent the day with family that I haven't seen since my grandfather on that side died over eight years ago.  Plus, even though I see them a little more often, I spent the day with my sister, my brother, his wife and my nephews that I love more than any being I have ever loved before!  I'm currently T-11 days from walking across the stage and receiving my Masters degree.  I don't have a job lined out yet, and with bills to pay am starting to get a little anxious.  Yet, I know God will provide.  It's through the darkest periods, when we don't have any reason to hope or believe, yet do, that God takes care of us.  It's not easy, and it's a new fight every morning. 

Maybe you are a Christian, maybe you are an atheist, or maybe you really don't take a stance on any of it.  What I encourage you all though, is to take a chance to learn how to choose happiness.  Whether you turn to religion, turn to a good cup of tea and a novel, or are still discovering what makes you tick, don't be afraid to chose happiness.  And like my yogi says at the end of his session, Namaste, which means the beauty in me recognizes and bows to the beauty in you!

Monday, April 29, 2013

Just keep swimming...

Ah yes, the joys of graduate school!  Well, it is dead week here at the great University of Wyoming.  All that is standing between me and that shiny new degree is a couple of tests, some presentations, and, oh yeah, writing my entire literature review!  I would like to thank my mother, for the gracious wine-of-the-month membership she bestowed upon me this past Christmas.  Seriously though, I think she could have done a little more, like a wine-of-the-week or at least a beer-of-the-day! :-)  At least I will be able to solidify my worldly knowledge with a great job that will show off my skills ascertained in this academia institute.  Oh, I'm sorry!  Would you like fries with that?

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Awesome computer shortcuts!

So, I love finding random pictures and then sharing them.  Here is one that I got off the iFunny app on my phone (no clue who made it so I unfortunately can't credit anyone!).  As I type my stats notes from class, I find a few of these pretty awesome to have handy!  ± See, works like a charm!  I hope you enjoy it! ♥♥♥

Random Sunday Musings

Okay, so obviously I started this blog with the best of intentions.  Life seems to do that; it gets in the way and leaves the best of intentions as distant memories.  Well, I'm not promising anything spectacular here, but I am going to try to update this more often.  As I finish graduate school and am searching for a job, maybe I will focus my posts around my job search.  As a pet owner, maybe I will focus my posts around my adorable dog and cats.  As a woman trying to figure out this whole world of men and friends, maybe I will focus on that.  As a baker and aspiring cook, maybe that can be my new and improved focus.  As I try (again) to get into shape, maybe I should focus on that as a way to hold myself accountable.

Or maybe, must maybe, I stick with it all.  In an effort to comb through my thoughts, it might be more likely for me to post if I'm not limiting myself quite yet.  There will come a day I'm sure when I can talk endlessly about a single subject, but for now life is so overwhelmingly awesome that I want to share it all!

So there you go.  Look forward to seeing posts with cute animals, delicious food, exercise and dating fails and funnies, and frustrations regarding the world of employment.  Aren't you excited?  I know I am!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

I might be trading in the word procrastination for production...

So I know it's only the second day of classes, but I feel off to such a great start!  While procrastination is more like a second language to me, I have been on top of getting this semester started right.  My time at home hasn't been wasted watching pointless dramas on the television!  Instead, I've been cooking, working out, and studying!  For a six plus year student, I should be a little better at this by now!

Last semester I discovered one trick to my chemistry class is recording the lectures.  Then I scribble my notes in class, but review them at home against my recordings.  Brilliant!  It helped me immensely to pass the end of last semester, so I am hoping it really helps this semester.  My goal is a 4.0, which means I need to pull my C grade from last semester's class to an A in this semester's class.  No small task, but I feel confident that I can.  I also learned last semester it pays to go to all review sessions and supplemental instruction, so tomorrow night starts an additional hour given every week.  Top that off with the fact I plan on annoying the crap out of my professor by utilizing him and his office hours to the fullest, well, let's just say I should be able to really work for that A!

Most of my other classes seem to lack the spark for me that organic chemistry II holds.  I still don't understand why I need two semesters of Physics.  The instructor is pompous and not a very good teacher, but at least there is a lot of extra credit and easy homework assignments.  I'm taking a lower level animal science course, which unfortunately looks like will be mostly basics and reviews of other courses I've already taken.  Everyone in the course (all six of us!), are animal science majors, yet the course is designed for non-animal science majors to introduce them to nutrition?!?!, or something like that!  Last but not least is my animal biology class.  This class will be challenging in the amount of memorization of new terms and classification, but probably the most entertaining as well.  The instructors seem above par and excited to teach the course.  Plus, this is the course you get to dissect a fetal pig in!  Yes, I'm the nerd that loved dissections in high school.  Probably a good thing considering what I am getting myself into!

Well, for tonight that is all.  As I need to rise and shine in less than eight hours, it is time to say good night and tuck myself in.